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Just hold me

TITLE: JUST HOLD ME
SPOILERS: EVERYTHING TIL SEASON EIGHT

DISCLAIMER: REALLY GUYS THEY ARE NOT MINE. BUT IF THEY ASKED
I MIGHT TAKE THEM. THEY DO BELONG TO THE POWERFUL CHRIS
CARTER AND 1013 PRODUCTIONS.

SUMMARY: SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD YOU!


GEORGETOWN MEMORIAL HOSPITAL


She walked down the hallway of the pristine hospital. So
many times she had walked down this same white floored path.
But today was somewhat different. They had found her partner
and he was alive. After five months of being considered
"MISSING" A.D. Skinner had found him.


She pushed open the door to the ICU unit and spotted her
partner's room. It was not illuminated by light. Instead it
was bathed in total darkness. She pushed back the glass door
and entered. He was curled up in a small ball, almost fetal.
If it weren't for his long legs he could be fetal. He had
his arms wrapped around his middle, careful not to pull out
the many wires and tubes.



He looked up at the intrusion of the figure in the room but
had a problem recognizing the person. She looked familiar
but he could not put a name to the face." Who are you and
what do you want?" his voice was hoarse and he looked pale
and older than she remembered.


" Mulder it's me." She answered softly so as not to startle
him from his quiet position. " It's Scully."



" No. Scully is gone. She died. She quit believing." He
paused for a few seconds, "I'm all alone now. Darkness is
all that I have to keep me company." His eyes brimmed with
tears.


" No. Mulder I'm here. I'm Scully." Her voice pleading with
his mind for him to accept her presence.



He shook his head, "No. Just go away. I don't need your
falsehoods or lies. I have accepted the death of my friend.
She betrayed me in my darkest hour. She no longer exists.
She is no longer in my world."


She started crying but he did not look at her or acknowledge
her presence. The nurse entered and looked down at the
petite woman. "Miss can I have you step outside the room for
a few minutes?" she stood and exited the small ICU cubicle.



The nurse looked down at her distraught patient, "Sir, can I
get you something?" she picked up his hand and held it
gently, giving her patient some contact and comfort. He
looked so lost and alone.


He nodded and looked up at his nurse," Just hold me." Tears
streaming down his face. "Please, just hold me." His voice
pleading and full of emotion.


She sat down on the corner of the bed and took him in her
arms and just held him tight. He just needed to be held.


TITLE: JUST HOLD ME (PART 2/2)

GEORGETOWN MEMORIAL HOSPITAL ICU


The nurse calmed her patient down. She took a wash cloth and
wiped the tears from his eyes." Hey I know you are not doing well
right now but she is pregnant and shouldn't be getting upset like
that, it couldn't be good for the baby." She was checking his
monitors and charting in the graphics. She did not notice the
look of shock on his face.


"What baby?" his voice was hoarse from crying. "Scully can't have
babies. She was abducted six years ago and they did things that
they shouldn't and she can't have a baby."



She looked down at her patient and smiled," Well, Mr. Mulder I
know a pregnant woman when I see one and Dr. Scully is definitely
pregnant." She reached down and adjusted his blanket.


He shook his head," I thought she had abandoned me. I've been
feeling so sorry for all that I've suffered and all that I've
lost that I wasn't considering what others might have gone
through when I was gone." He pushed back the blanket and made an
attempt to get up but the nurse easily pushed him back down in
the bed.



" Whoa Mr. Mulder. You are not going anywhere. You are still very
ill and very weak. Listen, I will get Dr. Scully. You two need to
talk to each other. You need to listen and not make any
judgements or allow emotions to rule your thoughts." She tucked
the blanket back into place and ruffled his hair." Things will
get better, I promise. You just need time to grief for what you
have lost and time to heal the wounds that have been open by this
experience."


The nurse checked the monitors and the fluids and drains once
more and walked out to get Scully. Mulder knew that he owed her
an apology. What had he been thinking? He had been feeling so
sorry for himself and the pain of the tests were too fresh in his
mind. But he forgot that others had suffered also. Why had Scully
not been with Skinner when he found him or come to the hospital
any sooner than tonight? He had felt abandoned and alone. But he
should have known that she would have never given up or abandoned
him, she was his constant and his touchstone. She was his friend.



He almost fell asleep waiting for her return. The weakness was
greater than when he had been abducted by the consortium last
year but he would sleep later. He needed to tell her that he was
sorry and that she was the only reason he had survived the
horrible tests and the unrelenting loneliness. He had lost so
much but he was happy that Scully had found some happiness. She
deserved better than what he had given her in their past seven
years together. She should be happy. Scully was going to have a
baby.



The door opened to the darkened room and the shadow of a woman
approached. " Mulder, is it okay if I visit for a few minutes?"
she approached carefully not wanting to upset him again. She  was
feeling a lot of guilt for not being the one who came for him in
Colorado. Skinner was the only person she would trust to bring
him home. But something had changed and she knew that she would
have to give it time. She had put his nameplate away in the
drawer. She had hoped that if she didn't have to be reminded
daily of what she had lost that the pain would be easier to bare
but it wasn't,it had been worse. She sat down in the hard chair
beside his bed and stared down at the broken hearted man.



The silence of the room was broken by a low, gravely voice "Sorry
Scully. I was angry." He paused for a second and he reached out
his hand to search for hers and it quickly came to find the empty
space. It felt nice, the human touch, his Scully's touch." I
can't explain what I'm feeling right now because to be honest I
don't know if I can feel anymore. They did things to me Scully.
Things I can't even mention out loud. I took my anger out on you
and that was wrong. I really don't deserve you." He paused again
and wiped the tears from his eyes with his free arm. " I really
am sorry Scully." His eyes still could not meet hers and he
looked down at the worn blanket.


She reached over with her free hand and helped him wipe away the
tears that were streaming down his face," I'm sorry too Mulder. I
can't even imagine the pain or the range of emotions you've felt
since your abduction. But the one thing I know for sure Mulder is
that I am so happy you are back home and I've missed you."



He shook his head," I don't deserve you Scully. I really don't."
He turned his head and finally looked into her deep blue eyes and
saw all the forgiveness and love she was offering. He smiled and
looked down at her distended abdomen," How?" he asked, again his
voice low and soft.,


"I can't explain it Mulder. The IVF had failed so many times but
that night at your apartment must have been the night of
conception. I guess popcorn and old movies, especially ones about
ground hogs who steal golf balls are the right combination for
making babies." She pushed herself closer to his bed," our baby
Mulder. Our little baby boy."

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" A baby. Our baby. A boy?" He closed his eyes to stop the sob
that was trying to escape his throat. " I love you Scully." He
opened his eyes again and squeezed her hand gently.



" I love you too Mulder." She was quiet for a few seconds then
her voice spoke so softly that Mulder had to strain his ears to
hear her," And Mulder, don't you ever leave me again."


He smiled up at his pregnant partner, "They will have to take me
dragging and screaming. I promise."


She reached down and their lips found each other, at first it was
a desperate, longing kiss then it became gentle and loving. When
they parted she patted him gently on his arm and looked towards
the door," I better go now before I start setting off alarms. The
nurse will come and run me out and I don't want to get on her bad
side." She stood to leave and turned once more turned to Mulder,
"Mulder, can I ask you a favor?"



"Sure. What's wrong Scully?" his eyes were starting to droop, he
was so tired.



" Just hold me for a minute. I just want to know that this is
real." Her eyes were now moist with tears and she was awaiting
his reply.


He motioned her near his bed and pulled her down into a hug and
held her tight.



The nurse stood at the cubicle door watching and thinking,
'Sometimes you just need a hug.'

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