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Mulderache's Surgery for wayward fanfiction


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Medical Mix up By MULDERLIPS

Title: Medical Mix Up
Spoilers: The X-files.
Disclaimer: They will and forever will belong to Carter and 
1013 Productions.
Warning:Mature subject matter. MT

She looked at him for the hundredth time,shaking her head and 
making noises from her dry throat. Then she spoke;"How could 
they have done this to you Mulder?" Again she shook her head 
in disbelief at the situation."We will sue them Mulder, don't 
you worry." her voice almost trembled as she spoke.

I shake my head and wonder how in the Hell could something like 
this happen in a major medical center. It started out as a simple 
procedure and now look at me! I have to wonder if Scully will ever 
look at me the same. Will she still see the same man she has 
always known? Then she smiles at me and then I know she must have 
some kind of acceptance going on and that gives me some degree 
of relief.

"Mulder, it is really okay. I am going to get a measuring tape 
and see how long it is now.I will be gentle." She leaves the 
room and closes the door to give him some privacy.

He looks down and shakes his head again for what seems like 
the millionth time. Medical mix ups occur everyday but why 
does it always seem to happen to me? I lay back in the bed 
but am still able to see the grossly,large mistake that has 
been made to my poor body. People will look at me with disdain, 
or fear. Just as I start to slip into a deep depression my 
partner reappears,dangling the measuring tape from her left hand.

"Mulder, do you want me to measure or you?" She asks with a grin 
on her face the size of California.

"I will do the measuring Scully if you don't mind."He reaches 
for the proffered piece of tape but she pulls it back making 
him reach for the object."Scully, I will do the measuring. Give 
me the tape!" I demand in a firm tone of voice.

"Here, spoil sport." She grumbles with dismay.

I almost think she is enjoying the little or should I say huge 
medical mix up. She seems to be getting more joy out of it than 
she actually should.

I reach down under the blanket and get a good measurement, 
twelve inches. To be exact, one foot. One always worries about 
things that do not matter, such as it being to the left or to 
the right or will it go up or down? I feel like I have an extra 
foot and need to buy an extra sock to wear!

"Number please." Her voice is sweet like sugar and I swear that 
her pupils are almsot dialated with excitement.

"Twelve." Simple and to the point. There, she has a number and 
she is smiling. I am going to be totally embarassed for the rest 
of my life and she is smiling.

She sees the dismay at her pleasure and she decides to play it 
more seriously,"Mulder, I could personally fix it for you if 
that is what you want but twelve is such an interesting number."

"For who's pleasure Scully? I will be a freak!" I lay back and 
try to think of a positive but unable to wrap my mind around a 
single good thought. Some people would die for this but not me, 
I love what my mother and father genetically gave me and that 
is it,no changes please!

She looks around the room and walks over to the door and makes 
sure that it is closed. She then scoots a large chair in front 
of the door to secure it closed."Mulder, lets try it out." She 
purrs as she startes to remove her jacket.

"I just had surgery Scully. What do you think I am, a machine?" 
The pain shoots down the elongated member of my body.

"Mulder, you are a tough FBI man, and I need to be disciplined 
for being a bad girl. Please Mulder." She begs.

His ears can not believe what he has just heard, he just had a 
medical mix up and all she can think of is her own self pleasure. 
"I am dismayed at you Scully! You are a medical professional,you 
should be ashamed of yourself!" I pull my blanket up around my 
shoulders and hit the nurse call light,pressing vigorously on 
the red button.

"Mulder,Please!" She moans as she looses her heels.

"Agent Scully!" I cry as she touches the swollen piece of flesh.

Just as she is about to take it in, the nurse pushes the door 
open with all her might,"Miss Scully,I must ask you to leave!"

She loosens her grip, a look of disappointment crosses her face 
and grabs her jacket and shoes and turns. As she is about to 
exit the room she whispers,"I will see you later Mulder." And 
she waltzes seductively out the door.

The nurse is busily straightening the blankets and checking his 
bandages."It will be fine Mr. Mulder. The surgeon is very 
regretful for the mistake but she hasn't been a surgeon very 
long, she just left her other practice,just a few months ago. 
I guess she really needs to bone up on her surgical procedures." 
She smiles and pats his head gently. 

"What profession was that?" He asks,feeling better about the 

"She was a sex therapist." She states as she walks out the door.

I shake my head and groan, I came in for a simple circumcision 
and end up with a medical mix up. I feel that I am safe for a 
while so I close my eyes to sleep.

Nurse's Desk

"Did he fall for it?" A fellow nurse asks laughing.

"Yeah, he thinks we are going to let him sleep. I feel that he 
will need at least every hour bandage checks tonight. Wouldn't 
want that wound to get infected." She smiles as she flips open 
the chart."Thank Goodness, Dr. Ruth came to their hospital!" She 
charts his vitals and plans for a nice night of sedation seduction.

The end

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