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Beside her

Title:Beside Her
Author: Mulderlight
Spoilers:Anything Xfiles
Disclaimer: They are the property of Fox and Chris Carter.

Motel Room

I reach over and touch her just one more time. Is she real or just my 
imagination? Guess I've been talking to dead people too long that 
reality is difficult to accept. My hand grips her closer to me as if I 
could lose her any second. My mind is racing as I listen to her soft 
breaths as she sleeps. So much has occurred in the past week and my 
mind is just now relaxing enough to allow it to process.

She had to give our son to some family that could protect himand give 
him a better life or to give him a terrible lie. A lie that I had to 
deal with for so many years, thinking my father was William Mulder 
only to realize that the Cancerman was my real biological father, a 
man of evil doings, a murderer and a liar. I hope he has more of his 
mother's genes than mine, he deserves a fair chance in this world, 
which is more than I could have given him if he was able to stay by 
our sides. 

But I would have died for him. I would have given him more love than 
anyone could of thought possible, and Scully would've too.

I reach over and brush her hair from her face and look at her pale 
features and I believe she has obtained a few wrinkles around her 
eyes, possibly caused from crying too many times. 

I wish I could have given her happiness and a life of children and a 
safe and loving home but instead I have given her a life of running 
for her life, a child that she had to give away to protect, like 
Moses's Mother had to do for him thousands of years ago.Will she ever 
get a chance to be close to him or have a relationship with him, even 
if it under a disguise or a meeting directed by fate or in her 
opinion, God.

I look away and up towards the ceiling, almost ashamed of the life I 
have given her and our son. Why didn't I die? 

Why didn't I turn into an alien creature? I shake my head in shame and 
tears feel my eyes. I will make a promise this day to myself, I will 
find our son and we will be a family someday or at least he will know 
his mother, even if it takes the rest of my life or my last 
breath.This is a promise I will keep but for now I will embrace this 
time I have beside you, it may not last for long.

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